Shadow Spirits and not the good kind :(

In response to Kerry’s comment “So did it reveal to you its appearance clearly, what it looked like?” – No Kerry, this particular entity/spirit or whatever it was, did not. I never had another episode with the closet doors but what kept happening instead was this… I would be lying there dozing, just trying to fall asleep, and the bedroom would suddenly get cooler. The darkness in the room would become darker, almost palpable. 

     I would become fully alert, no longer dozing and definitely not in a REM state. REM- Rapid Eye Movement “the release of certain neurotransmitters, the monoamines, is completely shut down during REM. This causes REM atonia, a state in which the motor neurons are not stimulated and thus the body’s muscles do not move” as defined by Wikipedia.  Then I would feel the familiar pressure on my chest, accompanied by the inability to move my muscles.  A fear like no other would spread through me.  I would move my lips to scream – to yell “Go away and leave me alone” – sometimes I could hear a croak escape from my mouth – but never words.  

     During all this I was still able to move my head from side to side.  So I would peer at Peter, lying next to me, willing him awake with my eyes but he didn't wake up – ever – during any episode… (and NO, Peter never stared at me again like that first time).  The pressure on my chest would increase until I had difficulty breathing and I would find myself gasping for air.  Since I was unable to speak there was a battle going on in my head.  There, I was screaming like a wild woman, cussing this being out with every swear word I could remember. I was NOT going to just “give in”… That’s what I “felt” it wanted from me.  You might ask yourself at this point “Why didn't she protect herself with White Light?” and the answer is simple – I was clueless. I had absolutely no idea that I could protect myself.

     The truth is that, up until that point and even for a long time after, I knew nothing about the Spirit world.  My only experience had been with my Imaginary Friends and that was just so natural, I never even questioned it. Oh yeah, almost forgot about that Seance :0).

     In between screaming and cussing I would call on Stille Nacht to help me; to come and save me :0). And just like before, I would fall asleep at some point and wake up the next morning. These episodes lasted for about 6 or 7 month’s and then they just stopped. Just like that.

Coming up next... Was it really the ghostly apparition of a real departed person?

Ghostly Sliding Closet Doors...

It was a few years later when I experienced the “not so good side” of Spirit. At the time I was living with my boyfriend in Maryland. We had a townhouse with three bedrooms and 2 other roomies. One night Peter (not his real name lol) and I were lying in bed, he was already asleep and I was just dozing in and out. The bedroom we slept in was a smaller one so our closet doors were right at the foot of the bed. It was the kind of doors that slide open like an accordion… one slid open to left and the other to the right.

     I can picture it now, still clear as day… I was lying on my back when I first heard the noise of the closet doors sliding open ( I always made sure they were closed before going to bed). Sliding open gently – in unison – like playing an accordion.  I admit, it took me a moment or two to realize what was going on and then to realize that NO I wasn't sleeping. I looked at the doors – just opening and closing… I wasn't scared, just intrigued. Not sure when the gentle sliding became more frantic… opening/closing faster and faster. I turned my head to look at Peter, thinking surely this must have awoken him. And what I saw scared the beejezuz out of me. There he was lying on his side, rigid, facing me, eyes wide open and just staring. OMG what the heck….

     I wanted nothing more than to jump out of that bed and run out the door; but I was frozen. I literally could not move my limbs, other than my head. There was also such a force of pressure on my chest, that I felt like something was trying to just squeeze the life out of me. I was petrified. When I opened my mouth to scream – no sound came out. I had no voice.

     This episode seemed like it lasted forever, in reality I don’t know how long. Since I was unable to move or speak, I just closed my eyes and prayed to my guide, Stille Nacht, for help. All the while hoping that he had not truly abandoned me. At some point I must have fallen back asleep because when I opened my eyes again, it was daylight. Peter now lay on his back, gently snoring. I crawled over him and slipped out of the bed – out of that room, glancing at the closed closet doors on my way out.

     I never told Peter or anyone about that night or the others that followed. For fear that he was somehow making that happen or fear that everyone would laugh at me... I don’t know - I was just grateful that my trusted Guide, Stille Nacht, was still with me and I knew that I could count on him to protect me, like he did so long ago.

Seance around the Cocktail Table :0)....

My journey with “spirit friends” started at about 10, I think lol. Which was a blessing especially after my Hans flew away. Now I had friends to play with and talk to. Yes, they responded :0).  I have always been a loner, pretty much except for an occasional real friend that understood my wackiness. I never told anyone about my spirit friends because uhmm well I was a little selfish and wanted them all to myself. Silent Night and many others stayed with me until I moved to the United States in 1974 at the age of 15. I came here to live with my Mom, Step Dad, Step Brother and Step Sister in Florida. STEP...is such a harsh sounding word to me for someone that is related to you.  But I have learned, since coming here, that just because you’re related to people doesn't necessarily make them your family :(.

     After settling in, my Spirit Friends stopped visiting me, I don’t know why – perhaps I was too busy with my new family and learning how to speak English. The only phrase I knew how to say is “where is the toilet” lol…. Now, that I've arrived here, in this part of my story, I am in somewhat of a quandary on what to share. I don’t want to bore you to sleep with my whole life story lol, so I guess I will just share what was relevant and had to do with “loosing myself” – spirits along the way and then my Re-Awakening.

     I’m not certain of how long I had been here, in Florida, when my sister and a couple of her friends decided to contact the Spirit of a young girl that had just recently departed. She had been a friend of my sisters so, sadly, I don’t recall her name.  It was a warm, sunny afternoon… our mom was at work and my step dad was serving overseas, in Korea. Not sure if my brother was a part of this Séance or not… The 4 or 5 of us gathered in our living room. We had closed all the curtains to make it darker and then lit some candles (you know, just the way they showed it on tv :0). My sister went to fetch one of our small glass cocktail table’s and we all gathered around that, sitting on our haunches with our hands on the table, fingers connecting to the person next to you. So it began….

     My sister called to her friend in spirit and asked, that if she could hear us, to show us a sign - like knocking on the table 3 times.  We were all quiet as a church mouse. Just sitting there, waiting…. Once in a while someone would giggle nervously… We sat there for a while, my sister kept calling on her friend to give us a sign. Then the unthinkable happened – we all felt it – all of us at the same time. Three Knocks on the underside of the table. Someone screamed and I believe that it was my sister who then jumped up and turned on the living room lights. Looking around at their scared faces, I in turn became scared as well.  The knocking should not have been a surprise to me since I had been communicating with spirits for the past few years, but it was. Perhaps because I had forgotten. I don’t know…

     That was the One and Only Séance we ever held.  We never talked about it after and just kept on with our lives, like it had never happened. I also never shared the stories of my experiences with my spirit friends. I just felt that it would be like bragging and then, who would believe me anyway?